Twirl

She sauntered left out of the two-car driveway and ducked under the serrated edges of the American basswood tree that would lead her to Huckleberry Blvd. and ultimately into the pine forest. Humming the chorus of Here Comes the Sun and never getting to the verse, she was as happy as the caterpillar she narrowly avoided crushing.

She felt like twirling. But who twirls at forty years old? she thought. And, what if somebody sees me through the window and thinks I’m crazy?

Valid questions. 

I’m going to do it, she thought, as she abruptly stopped the Beatles soundtrack and replaced it with a confident affirmation. 

“I’ve got this.”

“No you don’t,” whispered her subconscious.

“Go to Hell! One – two – three…”

No twirl. 

She was getting closer to the forest, free of bedroom, bathroom and dining room eyes; all of which had to be watching, and waiting to judge. 

She made a second attempt, like a pilot who aborts a first landing, more sure that with additional preparation this one would stick. 

Now it was all in her mind. One – two – three. 

Still no twirl.

Who’s controlling me? she wondered. 

If she couldn’t do one lousy twirl in a quiet Toronto suburb, what chance did she have to fulfill any wish she’d ever imagined for her remaining forty-some years left to live?

Like you, Sara has dreams of what she wants to accomplish in life. But she’s realized that some of those dreams will never materialize if she doesn’t do something about her fear of judgment. Exactly what happens when someone snickers at your sidewalk twirl, your novice frisbee toss, or the fact that you sing out loud occasionally?

Exactly.

So what if the word exactly was used thrice in consecutive paragraphs. Let’s do it a fourth time: EXACTLY! It’s Sara’s world and she’s the master of her actions.

My very life depends on this, she thought; growing in confidence, shining like the blinding sun that was creating a compassionate audience out of her shadow.

“One – two…” Whooooosh. White summer dress, a parachute adorned with sunflowers and watermelons, spinning in tandem with her sea of long brown hair. Ivory teeth, dimples, and crystal bracelets all reflecting a lightness that was felt like the majesty and fullness of a hot air balloon at dawn.

Her life did depend on it. And so did others’. 

Twirl today. Twirl tomorrow. Twirl like your life depends on it.