Those Who Create Magic
I mean, the real dream for me, was to be a comedian on The Carol Burnett Show.
The costumes! The singing! The set changes! …the spontaneous breaks in character to giggle with the irrepressible Tim Conway - I’d envisioned myself in the middle of all of it so many times.
Yes, that WAS years ago. But it doesn’t really matter; we’ve all had dreams of sharing our gifts, whether singing, dancing, being in a band, or making the audience cry with the beauty of something we’ve created.
I’d always had another dream too, though. One that I threw around casually like a best friend’s nickname; both familiar and silly to me, because honestly, this dream seemed less likely to happen than performing with Carol Burnett did.
That aspiration was to write a book.
I mean, book writing was for others. Those who create magic, I thought, as my fingertips ran down their names on book spines. I'm talking about those who research, evaluate, know a lot about a subject and wrap it up in a bow to be delivered bite-sized and articulate to the eager reader. Those who see things through to the end.
And yet…
March 29, 2023 was the launch party for my book, Beautiful Humans, There’s Nothing Wrong With You; Encouragement For the Soul.
Two other writers who’d completed their books with our company also shared the podium that night, so the audience was brimming with over sixty people. I was so proud of Danielle Gaucher and Steve Barendregt, who read passages that were moving and authentic. My brilliant business partner Alex, acted as the MC, delivering effervescent introductions before each writer spoke.
I was the last to share.
I was already on a high, my face sore from smiling, so proud of the gorgeous setting, the lovely food, the robust turn-out, and the first two writers. Alex and I had worked with Steve and Danielle for over six months, and there were hours spent in discussion, editing, deliberating over titles, discussing tone, and even shedding a few tears as these two nurtured their life experiences into books that could now be held in hand.
As I stepped up to the podium, I remembered to pause. I smiled and scanned the room. I held my head up. I remember when my children were small, I used to close my eyes as I held each one to my torso, attempting to memorize their mass, their smells, their little bodies that would undoubtedly change faster than I’d realize. I engaged fully in the same sensory recording here.
Looking around the room, I saw childhood friends, high school friends, my parenting friends, my beloved sister and her husband, my sons, my nephew; even my personal trainer showed up to honour me. I took a large breath in, and exhaled.
“I just want to take a moment here,” I said, thanking many with my eyes.
Then, I read the chapter from my book about my father, and some of the wisdom that he’d taught me. He was there, eighty years old, and fit, but bent over in his seat as I read, I imagine to disguise the flow of strong emotions he felt. This was a big moment for both of us, as he is my greatest encourager.
I knew the chapter well; having read it aloud several times, anticipating this moment. I read with ease, enjoyed myself, varied the pacing, paused, laughed aloud at times, and drank the whole dang thing in.
This is what I’d waited for my entire life.
To write a book.
To have the pleasure to share my thoughts, my ideas, my experiences with the reader.
To connect.
To provide encouragement, and a little bit of joy.
When I stepped away from the podium, hugged my dad to the applause of the audience, and returned to the table where my niece was helping me sell books, I felt calm and happy.
A man I didn’t know immediately approached me and said, “I’ll take five copies. Sign the first one to me, and I’ll be giving away the rest as gifts.” I was overwhelmed, but I allowed myself to feel the pleasure.
Why wouldn’t I? It was perfect. The book launch party was all I’d ever dreamed of, and more.
In my mind’s eye, I tugged my earring and smiled to the room, whispering, “Hi, I love you.”
